Do you, flop singer-turned-druggy, take this drunk, loser backup-dancer....?

Do people seriously give a damn about who marries who in Hollywood? Looking through the papers, inevitably every other day there is news about some actress (or she-actor or whatever they wanna call themselves) who has recently been sighted at an island off the coast of Peru with her new boyfriend, also usually an actor, making wild love or walking hand in hand or eating pie or something.

Hollywood is an incredibly huge industry. It not only provides insane amounts of money for the
creature comforts of actors and actresses and directors and of course their pet dogs and kittens, but also keeps alive several thousands of people whose livelihood is based entirely on what the above people do. Or not do. Paris Hilton has potloads of money for being born in the right hotel, and has eaten so little since, that the clothes just fall off her. Tom Cruise's parents never punished him for jumping on the living-room sofa. And look what happened. Angeline Jolie is shuttling around the world picking up children like its Michael Jackson's business. Tara Reid last year went and...never mind.

There are SO MANY people who basically feed off celebrities. Ok, most of this is based on what I've seen on TV, but even thats more than enough to explain that Hollywood is basically, off its rocker. Paparazzi have nothing to do, but buy shiny motorcycles and flashy cameras to chase the celebs. So, if you are genuinely interested, you can catch "exclusive" snaps of Britney Spears (NO MAKEUP!! SHE'S A HAG!!) taking a walk in her garden, or see Ben Affleck (SHIRTLESS SHIRTLESS!!) take out the trash. There are snaps and captures of everyone, literally everyone, who's anyone on the Hollywood brigade. And this is just the paparazzi who only click the pictures.

You have the most ridiculous gossip columnists! People, even now, actually bother to speculate on Jennifer "Blink & She's Divorced" Lopez's recent marriage and whether it will last! I remember J.Lo giving an interview to Reader's Digest and it was absolutely hilarious. I can't quote it word for word, but she said things like - I'm a family girl. I believe in true love. I don't like to rush into things. I wasn't brought up that way - when she was already through her 3rd marriage in like 4 years.

Were they wearing Versace, Agent Provocateur or just a baseball cap again? How many poeple got drunk? Is the honeymoon in the Bahamas, the Mediterranean or will the backseat of the limo do?

People want to see exclusive snaps and insider reports of celeb weddings too. The couple earns hundreds of thousands of dollars selling their wedding snaps to the highest bidding magazine. Then, two months into the marriage, they complain about their lack of bloody privacy. God knows which actress recently gave birth. But she sold exclusive snaps of her new-born to some bullshit magazine which thinks its done a great deal on them. I believe she was even negotiating the price of the snaps while she was pregnant. You can almost picture them rubbing their belly and smacking their lips, first time they learn they're pregnant.

Anyway, the point is not what these mentally blacked-out people do. The thing is, people actually seem to want to know these quicksilver affairs. They want to see shows where "Relationship Analysts" (what an awesome way to make a living!?!) come on to analyze recent pics and press interviews of couples and predict whether they're in love or not. Isnt that kinda easy? You know pretty well, its only a matter of time before they get divorced. Marriages seem more like contracts of living together for so many months, planning to build a home in some suburban ditch, thinking up names of children on Oprah, and then separating once no one is clicking pictures anymore.

I now join you in holy matrimony...blah blah blah...till Death, or Angelina Jolie, do us apart. Amen.