Monday, April 24, 2006

I Came, I Saw, They Kicked Me Out - Hugh Hefner (sometime soon)

Playboy it seems is now coming to India. My Telegraph says right on the first page - "Is India game for Playboy?". Not that its first page news. It says immediately below, turn to page 17 for the article.

Playboy executives have declared that the company is now looking to capture the Indian market with a moderated and toned-down version of the magazine. Obviously. They wont find many Indian actresses lining up to do a cover, or an 'uncover', for them anyway. Playboy idiots did the same thing in Indonesia too. The Indonesian edition was so toned down and moderated that people preferred local publications. Despite this, crowds of angry, hurt, embarrassed, concerned and 'bored-with-life-otherwise' agitators hurled stones at the Jakarta office of Playboy and shouted slogans and...you know, the way we do it. An Indian reception is not going to be much more welcoming. Vishwa Hindu Parishad and RSS, and all the other parties self-appointed to look over all our interests and decide what we want, are already planning and publicizing their modus operandi lest they find Playboy India to be offensive or against our traditions.

"If they honour the Indian tradition and keep within limits, and dont show nudes, what objections can we have?" said the Parishad's Vinod Bansal. Limits, eh? Now what limits would those be? Honour the Indian tradition. Hmmm....If by mistake Hugh Hefner does look back at Indian tradition with his jaundiced eyes, he wont take much time before noticing Kama Sutra. I think Playboy will have a very tough time in trying to match up to Indian traditions on sex and intimacy from then on. If Playboy does not toe the line etched out by VHP, "we can even get it shut down", warns Bansal.

There are more people who want to give their uninvited opinions of course. All India Muslim Personal Law Board member Kamal Farooqi is quoted saying that such things should be stopped in humble ways without agitation, by creating "an atmosphere against it". He was probably being asked about something for the first time, so he chose this opportunity to take all the other weights off his chest as well. He went on to say - "Not just Playboy, I am for a moral check on newspapers and television as well". He complains that some newspapers and magazines are not fit to be read by the family. But whatever happens or does not happen, Playboy is "against Indian culture.....As an Indian, and a Muslim, I am totally against it".

What is meant by "not fit to be read by the family"? You should also ban magazines like Femina and Good Housekeeping because they only cater to women. "100 different ways to attract men" was the leading article in an issue of one such magazine that I used for timepass at a barbershop. Definitely not for the whole family to read, especially if VHP cadre also have teenage daughters. Looking elsewhere, surely entire families dont sit down to read scientific journals? Throw them out. Business Today does not have a section for ten year olds who want to invest their pocket money. Out it goes. India Today does not have recipes for housewives. Bye bye.....

Some poeple would argue that Playboy is something else and not be compared with the above. And that is exactly my point. Playboy is something else, so treat like that. Maxim, Playboy etc cater to hormonally charged and/or sexually deprived males. Its for them to 'read', if anyone does actually ever read read Playboy. Its not meant for group reading sessions with the entire parivaar. Also, its not like the editors of these magazines are absolutely shameless. They also feel shame. They also feel guilt. They also feel that they have to answer to God sometime. Why else do they put articles in between the pictures?

You cannot dispute the fact that people exist who want nothing more than to see naked models every month even if they have to pay for it. If you have demand in a country the size of India, you're obviously going to have supply lining up. If VHP, RSS etc think that Indian traditions should be held sacrosanct, then why dont they encourage and organize festivals, aside from the Kumbha which is too infested with naked sadhus for any self respecting individual to ever attend? They wont do that. There is no constructive work at all done by them.

Anyway, they dont really matter. All this song and dance over Playboy and Maxim. What does it matter if they come to India or not? If politicians had just kept shut, these magazines would have come, tried to create a market and then gone off quietly without making any sort of profit. They are idiots if they think they can get Indians to pay for something they can get for free somewhere else. When there is an entire universe of pornography and full blown other things available for that magic word (FREE!) on the internet, you think anyone will notice Playboy ka family-friendly pack?

2 comments:

Rags raves said...

It is as you say, a definite bluff...i mean cmon dont u know Playboy has bin available in India????For AGES......india might be backward in other matters but not wen it cms 2 smuggling in banned articles...neither has the country a dearth of obliging samples of mankind who wud pay a sustantial sum at each oppurtunity 2 acquire such..er..interesting pieces of literature. As regards the VHP n RSS..well its about time they took stock of the situation...they who style themselves as guardians of our morals..shud not 4get dat they live in india...for gods sake this is the country where doing a thing will bcome more popular the more it is banned condemned....perfunctory comments n tall talk is their way of publicity....4 matters they kno r most crucially unimportant....they wud indeed be well advised 2 keep their noses out of industrial dealings-for after all even magazine publishing is a thriving industry- because India is a free country n freedom of a lot of things-which are well used to the advantage of the unscrupulous-have bin guarenteed by the constitution...therefore if Hugh Hefner wants to launch an indian edition of playboy..and if its sanctioned by the CONCERNED authorities...not the CONCERNED moral guardians mind you...and if the people are willing ..which they most surely are...to pay n acquire the magazine..i think it has full MORAL right to be launched...The VHP n RSS shud concern themselves wid more pressing n important matters like poverty n population...wich have indeed the potential to prove the bane of indias progress rather than such small matters as the launch of PLAYBOY...in fact one must ask the VHP n associates wot is poverty leading to bt a substantial amount of flesh trade n what after all is the cause of overpopulation for it does not rain children in india does it???? WHERE then are those base morals they so try to justify.....

No am not John Keats said...

ah yes...playboy...the ultimate dream for every guy...though i dont know why?i mean with the kind of porn u get on the net i mean y the hell wud one pay a hundred bucks for PHOTOS instead of just downloadin VIDEOS from the net...i know ppl would argue that theres textual material also available in the magazine...lik hell v giva damn!!so well written dear frend...let playboy flourish in the land of the foolish...india isnt a booming economy to giv a 100 bucks for porn instead of just logging on!! ;)