I got this off the net in this amazing site whose name I'm not going to tell you. A courtroom is supposed to be a grim hall of justice. Lawyers and judges are smart, intellectual people. But stupid things happen everywhere. This is a series of some not-so-intense courtroom dramas. All of these are transcripts from actual cases.
1. This is like the guy in an Austin Powers movie. He couldn't refuse to answer questions if they were asked for long enough (3 times was his limit too) :
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No.
2. Doctor vs Lawyer...Two intellectually based professions. Inevitably, one will try to outdo the other:
Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
3. Lawyers ain't all that smart either sometimes:
Q. ...and what did he do then?
A. He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Q. So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
Q. What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A. She is my daughter.
Q. Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979
Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
4. Killer smart-ass replies:
Q. What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A. It indicates intercourse.
Q. Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.
Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. Yes, I have been since early childhood
Q. Are you sexually active?
A. No, I just lie there
Q. ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A. The victim lived.
This article is hereby dedicated to all my friends who are trying to clear law exams and join this noble profession. Ha ha ha!
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