Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Peace And Nothing But

In a fresh bid to end attrition between the two countries and get on with life already, India has put to Pakistan the offer of Lata Mangeshkar in exchange for putting an end to terrorism and surrendering POK, recalling the famous Pakistani cry of the 70s - "Kashmir rakh lo, hume Lata de do!"

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, after a particularly exasperating summit with Pakistan PM Gilani, who insisted on playing peek-a-boo and wouldn't come out from behind the sofa when the topic of cross-border terrorism was broached, offered to fulfill this decades old demand of the Pakistani people.

"I remember when these cries first rang out. Lataji's voice ruled the radio-waves and cinema-screens. The Indian government failed to appreciate the good bargain they were drawing. As a move towards achieving peace and ending his relentless demands that I join him in peek-a-boo, I ask the Pakistani Prime Minister to stand true to his nation's old offer", said Manmohan Singh in an official statement.

The Pakistan government has not yet issued an official statement, although excited muttering was audible in the background when they were informed over the telephone. It is believed that the government will take some time deliberating over the matter, issuing at least 2 to 3 false statements to the press before confirming their stand.

In a comprehensive dossier, with color pictures and large font so nothing is misinterpreted, India has lined up a list of complementary gifts to "sweeten up the deal" as one insider puts it. The list is said to include such national sand-bags as 80s'-almost-made-it-big-hero Jackie Shroff, nasal artist Himesh Reshammiya and a T-shirt worn once by Salman Khan.

"The T-shirt at least is practically unused! It can't be a fairer deal!" exclaimed Foreign Minister Pranab Mukherjee.

With escalation of civil terrorism in Pakistan, it seems India is making drastic moves in order to ameliorate its position with both sides of the war-torn nation and become the good guy in the picture.

The Indian parliament is pondering over the ethical dilemma in condemning its citizens with such a transfer. Talks are being held with Ms. Lata Mangeshkar and Mr. Jackie Shroff to sound out their position, especially considering the stale-mate position of their careers.

"It is not like they're really doing anything at the moment anyway," said Home Minister P Chidambaran.

The PM & parliament both refuse to comment, however, on the selection of Himesh Reshammiya. Rumours abound of the government looking to make it a general policy - of dumping its toxic waste in Pakistan. Several sources claim that the nasal virtuoso may be a spy on India's side, to gradually destroy the morale and sap the energy of Pakistani terrorist elements. That all or any of the rumours are true, we cannot yet ascertain. But much may be debated on the humanitarian rights of innocent Pakistanis who would collaterally suffer the consequences of Mr. Reshammiya's singing.

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