Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Answering The Greatest Questions Of Our Time, And A Few Others

For a long time now, it has been an intriguing question. It has perplexed us, yes even me. It leads us to no concrete answers, but instead jumbles us in vines growing ever more complex. It is a maze with seemingly no end, with no way out, only intertwining paths and ever-growing dimensions. It is vast, uncharted, mostly unused, and perhaps absolutely maddening to most of you.

I am speaking, of course, of myself.

It is said by one and all, that mankind's only true journey in existence, is to find himself (and even herself, seeing our more politically correct times). The real journey we make is that which takes us within our own selves, deep into our minds and our thoughts and our recesses, as we find our true identity. To shape our destiny, to achieve our goals, we must know who we were. It is time I undertook such a journey. This is my humble attempt, to unravel the enigma that is my humble self.

But how to do so, you ask? How to undertake such a mighty task? Are you equal to it? What will your route be? How will you know where to proceed? And I, with iron hand, fling aside your doubts and perpetual hesitations, and say - Shush you! Allow me to complete...

I have pondered on it a great deal. What could take me deep within my soul? And then impartially interpret the findings from the tales that lie therein? Whom could I approach? Who would be take on this gigantic responsibility without showing concern for his own sanity and the loved ones? I thought over this long and steadily. Then I got my answer. I found one such. Join us as we explore this unknown paradise, or dark evil cavern (we shall find out soon). Come and let us see for ourselves what answers I have to the great questions that hang around, about me.

You Are 26% Evil
A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

So thats your most popular question dealt? Are you happy now? I was actually hoping for a bit more. It is crucial to developing the machiavellian mind I have in mind for my mind. Anyway, the general mass may clear now. The seriously curious proceed to the other big-fish emotion.

How You Are In Love
You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.
You give and take equally in relationships.
You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.
You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

Well, I dont know, you know? Unconditionally? Very attached? Me? Hmm...But the oracle must speak sooth. So, it must be.

Moving on to my most prized possession, aside from the iPod (still in the evil clutches of the man known only as RepairGuy) and Excalibur (my trusted and efficient badminton racquet) and my navy blue RBK t-shirt, my mind. My, what I call, intellect. Let us see if 'tis true what I think of myself.

You Are 82% Tortured Genius
You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood.Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

And the winner is? Me!! *ascends to podium to give speech* Aiieee! Now do you see, you worthless pygmies you, who tried to stop me, Colossus, from bestriding around? I call for you to see who I eej! 82% Tortured Genius! F-ing brilliant! Watch now and shake, with fear and awe, in your socks!

What else am I, though, eh? Exploring about a bit, we find...

Your Porn Star Name Is...
Rodney Rammer

Umm...we shall ignore this one, shall we? I dont quite agree with being Rodney. And I dont want to think about the Rammer part too much.

So, moving on. To better things. I, despite all plastic humility, cannot help but admit to my chick-magnetism. I speak not of that unfortunate incident which occurred on a visit to a farm-house long ago, as a strapping young innocent lad. We wont go there. In a search to find the oh-nishant-you-naughty-boy-you-to-whom-I-find-myself-inextricably-intensely-attracted-and-whom-I'm-certainly-not-letting-go-of-anytime-soon-or-ever-if-I-can-help-it-but-then-you-would-be-cool-suave-and-as-untameable-as-any-007 part of my self, I found myself faced with a sea of biting, twisting, and searing questions. I hope I have sufficiently described the painful and deep nature of the questions. Insert adjectives 'agonizing', 'excruciating', 'mind-numbing', 'incapacitating', and 'gut-wrenching' as well, if need be. One does want to sort of even the balance, and not have it look like a complete joyride.

You Can Make 79% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You
Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal.Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you!As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.

*shrugs shoulders with broad grin* Now what to say really? I guess I just am like this. Cant really be helped, can it? I do most humbly apologize to those who have been so mortally wounded by my legendary seduction skills. As I said, I cant help it. I just know how to close the deal. *smirk and then quick swipe to that naughty, alluring smile sort of expression you know so well*

Quick now! The depths of the mind, I find, are quite deep. The mind houses myriad answers to innumerable questions. And it really is a wonder the kind of answers one runs into by and by. This is one, I have always wanted to know, since I was this high. *holds palm up to a certain height you cant see because you're only reading*

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Cruel Intentions
"I'm the only girl you can't have, and it kills you."

Ohh. Umm...err...never mind this one too, eh? Shall we move on really quickly? *gulp*

Am I as evasive as a crossword clue, just out of grasp? Am I addictive as coffee, or chocolate, or well, whatever you're addicted to? What am I as addictive as? And how?

Your Personality Is Like Heroin
You're capable of the highest highs and the lowest lows.Addicted to feeling good, you'll do almost anything to avoid pain.People seek you out, even though you can be quite moody. They're hooked on you!

As the best way to terminate this probe into my mind, of which it seems I knew quite little, I thought to answer the two questions that trouble us all. At one point or another in our lives, if be we so profound, we ask ourselves these, and we pause and look up at the sky/false ceiling and we wonder what the truth is and why the world is so mysterious and our lives so dark, and why we can know the exact size of a quark in an atom at the other end of a galaxy but not know a thing so simple about ourselves, and then we wonder how some sentences just never end while some thoughts that never should, get terminated so abruptly by the merest distractions of reality. We lose these questions, and we lose the memory of their loss. And we go on in life, wondering what it was that we find missing. Where lies that hole in my picture of myself? Now I answer them. And I hope to complete that portrait. And I hope its a beautiful one.

You Are a Bloody Mary
You're a fairly serious drinker, who's experimented a lot with different drinks.You're a drunk, but a stable drunk. You don't ever let your drinking get out of control.

Your Vampire Name Is...
Baron of Persia

My mind reeling with my many discoveries, I take leave to rest awhile. A drowsy numbness demands attention.


Jayashree Bhat said...

And I thought Dhruv was the most conceited of em all. Tsk tsk, you beat him hollow.

kyra said...

i didnt read the post...
but oh my god, have you gone mad?

what's with the tests????

kyra said...

In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

gee thanks for the warning.

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Confused & Baffled said...

tsk tsk people. whats with all this negativity? just coz you couldnt think of it first eh? using the world's latest most powerful soul-digger and info-take-outer? sheesh!

just how jealous are you huh??

kyra said...

you found blogthings through me. hmph. nobody beats me at joblessness.

kyra said...

oh, and i'm 34% jealous.


kyra said...

next post please. i want something new to pick on.