Thursday, November 29, 2007

Juice

I can see you gasping and scratching your neck. I can see you thirsting. Thirsting for more, and more and more. And how more is never really enough. You want to know. Its like a fountain of joy and intoxication and addiction. You want to discover, uncover, realize, grasp, fathom, and you want to understand. For all of you, for those who couldnt and wouldnt believe there wasn't more.

I'd just finished shaving this morning and was busily ogling at myself in the mirror. Its something I do regularly, as a matter of habit and as a procedure of self-therapy. Its said (by learned rishis of yore) to have curiously excellent healing powers. The self-admiration boosts self-confidence. As I stare and stare, I stand up a little straighter. I grin a little. I smirk a bit. Aaj khush to bahut hoge tum, I ask myself. I act cocky. I begin to get inappropriately self-assured around my reflection. [If my reflection was another actual person, he'd have walked out by now. Not that I would have behaved in such a way around a 'he'. Let us be clear about that. I'm into girls. Actually, and dont you read this if you're one of those kind of people who are not into vulgar jokes and get easily offended by what would otherwise have passed for normal everyday humour around normal everyday open-minded people unlike yourselves, as much as I get to be before their moralities kick in. Score! *self high five*]. After a sufficient number of feigned takes and double-takes at the mirror, I stop, look, and casually flirt a bit. I'm good. It works. I usually get my phone number.

The compliments I so lavishly shower upon myself? They have their noble, practical function too, in case you've already begun snivelling about my self-obsession. I see it as a morning exercise. It gets me going. It gets me thinking. It gets my head working. If I see another soul for the rest of the day, morose, depressed and in need of compliments or lavish false-praising-about, I'm onto him/her in a flash. Within two minutes of said therapy, they emerge gracefully with erect back, a wide smile, and a deep shade of blush. Aww, I'm too nice! My work is about giving. I ask not for payment, no sir. It is the joie de vivre gleaming off their faces that's my prize. They insist on letting their gratitude be known, and I indulge them by letting them buy me a little something at the canteen. It helps them.

Anyway, like I was saying, I have taken to ogling at myself in the mirror. A most unavoidable habit, you will agree. Speaking about today's session, I was randomly chatting with my left-handed self in the mirror, when I said something silly and out of place. It defused the charm I'd been building up. An unfortunate ambience buster. So I stuck my tongue out at myself, to mock myself for embarrassing myself in front of me like this. I wouldnt have that obviously. Its the sort of behaviour I have come to disapprove. Even of myself. So I stuck my tongue out back at me, and I dared me to a fight with a Matrix en garde.

What? Dont understand? Try this. Stick your tongue out, at a mirror or a trusted friend who wont think it too weird of you. Now, in your best fight pose, carefully and slowly pull the tip of your tongue up. Up, down, up, down. Also simultaneously do it with the fingers of your hand. Now think of the fight scene in the first Matrix movie when Keanu Reeves haughtily dusts his clothing in the subway station and invites Agent Smith to have another go at him. Get it? Now measure it to your royal challenge to your mirrored self. Way cooler huh?? I know I know!

Also, in an aside from this rather intellectual, biting-in-the-head conversation, remember the days when Road Rash used to rule the lives of young pre-teens, teenagers and computer geeks everywhere and of all ages? I loved the game. I mention it because recently when I was reminiscing about the good ol' days of carefree childhood, my mind wandered and settled upon an old memory. It was of me lying on the sofa in the living room. Or, so to say, my material earthly form was lying on the sofa in the living room. My thoughts were lifted and airborne, free from the bounds of human existence and the black-holes of impure thought. I was thinking single-mindedly of the Diablo. I had a Perro, and it was good. But the Diablo had a style of its own. It was large and powerful. Nothing could beat it on the straight line tracks at the start and finish of the races. True, I'd have to be traffic-wary in the urban zone, but I could handle that. I mean, just look at the sheer speed of the thing! I'm not sure if I remember all too correctly, but I believe I did buy one at the end. And of course I won the whole game. I remember that. And I remember it being the first place I read the phrase mano a mano, and thinking it sounded so cool. I just recently found out what it means.

P.S: Do you find the first paragraph making really no sense with relation to the ensuing post? Lol. I beg to differ. No, wait. I differ. That will be all.

17 comments:

kyra said...

this post is distinctly creepy.

And-

If I see another soul for the rest of the day, morose, depressed and in need of compliments or lavish false-praising-about, I'm onto him/her in a flash. Within two minutes of said therapy, they emerge gracefully with erect back, a wide smile, and a deep shade of blush


AHEM.
Compliments?
really?

Meirz said...

nicelies

Confused & Baffled said...

@kyra: you doubt me? you really do? just you try being morose and sad about me, some day when i've had a good stare at myself in one decent-sized mirror. just you try...hmph.

@meirz: why thank you.

kyra said...

You're asking ME to try being morose and sad?

dude.

ami said...

"Aaj khush to bahut hoge tum, I ask myself."

Hee. :D

"I'm into girls."

Now that that doubt's been cleared ;)

"I stop, look, and casually flirt a bit."

*gulps*

"So I stuck my tongue out at myself"

*giggle* Teeheehee :D

"I read the phrase mano a mano, and thinking it sounded so cool. I just recently found out what it means."

Mujhe nai pata?? :(

Oh, and I liked the first paragraph. And it completely made sense with the rest of the post. Oh, and did you know you're bloody conceited? Ass :P "No, wait. I differ. That will be all." Bloody hell ?!?

Confused & Baffled said...

@kyra: my apologies. i knew not to whom i spoke.

@ami: and the award for the longest comment on this blog goes to....indraaaaa-aaa-aaa-ni!

and yes. every single person tells me i'm conceited. i think they're jealous.

Confused & Baffled said...

@kyra: my apologies. i knew not to whom i spoke.

@ami: and the award for the longest comment on this blog goes to....indraaaaa-aaa-aaa-ni!

and yes. every single person tells me i'm conceited. i think they're jealous.

kyra said...

conceit is hardly a desirable quality, though.

ah well.

write something new.

i feel very mean.

Anju Christine said...

"Now measure it to your royal challenge to your mirrored self."

i had fun imagining u do that! lol

Princess Stefania said...

Oh heavens.
:)
Where has this blog been all my life?!
No, don't answer that. Purely rhetorical. But I love this place. The writing style, the pace, the content... everything!
I'm bookmarking this site.

Confused & Baffled said...

@anju: i know! its so cool!

@princess stefania: *blush* *slight squirm* i've never addressed royalty before. not even make believe types.

but really, thanks a lot. just this morning i was walking along the road, minding my own business and looking around here and there,when a thought came and struck me quite hard. and i thought that from the looks of it, no more new people were really looking into my place here. it was quite a shock, you understand. and then you come along! joy! yayness!

Princess Stefania said...

Make Believe?
I beg your pardon. Someday, I see, I shall have to do a post on this.
I came here through Kyra's blog.

kyra said...

@princess stefania
eesh. now i feel positively miserable. what have i done?
gawd.

:P

Confused & Baffled said...

@princess stef: so i see, so i see. your majesty.

woah! i rhymed!

@kyra: that miserable feeling, little one, is called jealousy. you should know by now. tsk tsk...

kyra said...

@confused & baffled

that's what you like to think?
tsk tsk.
it's time you kissed your inane delusions goodbye, hon. :P

Princess Stefania said...

And the comments that follow are just as entertaining as the post.
;)

kyra said...

@confused & baffled
offering entertainment through your comments as well?

the things you do for publicity!
sheesh.