Monday, December 10, 2007

Kaun Sa Shampooooo??

Opinions differ. From person to person, from state to state, from religion to religion, from demographic to demographic, from geographic to geographic, from national geographic to national geographic...

It's how the world works. If everyone believed in only one sense of right, and only one sense of wrong, nothing would be left for us to do. Where would religion be left, with nothing to preach? Where would Osama go, without a trusting, devoted band of idiots? Where would Oprah go, with nobody to hug and nobody to jump on her couches?

Everyone his own Buddha.

So we cant have that. And we dont. Which is why opinions differ, you see. And thats a good thing. Because.

You might think a good start to the day was about waking up on the right side of the bed. Or you might think that a good morning was the one you could sleep through. But I, dear ignorant beings, now know what it really is. Allow me to illustrate.

"Illustrate" is a word which always makes me think like someone's going to draw something. A detailed sketch, or an oil painting of sheer fantastic beauty (dont think I can't do it), or a couple of shapes in three dimensions with color splotched around a bit (it being called 'cubism' and people get paid for it). So art we must have.

It be graph. Running along with the fact that nothing impresses a general populace more than a solemn statistic, I give you above scientific proof of the theory/story/anecdotal fun-fun thing/slash. Now to proceed with narrative right about after this sentence.

Regardez (beautifully-spoken-French alert!). Carefully note the points marked with numbers. We shall discuss them. They come under the head of "Things". On Y-axis, we have the respective degrees of awesomeness, which can give us a relative picture of what rocks and what doesnt.

Thing #1: You have a good start to the morning, simply based on the premise that you woke up on the right side of the bed. Some people might believe thats how it works. But seriously, come now. My bed, being fixed to the wall, has one side to it. And I dont have all good or bad days. So there. Off you go. Idiot.

Thing #2: You've had a great morning because, as far as concerns your conscious self, there was no morning. Sleeping right through is most often considered a measure of a great morning. It deserves due points for giving a joyous feeling of that satisfying, satiating, almost feline laziness. But running away, or sleeping away since that was just a metaphor and you don't have to pick on it, is not a solution to a situation really. I feel obliged to take some points away. And that, unfortunately, robs this beautiful exercise of the top spot.

Thing #3: You've had a great morning because you woke up to greet it, in shorts and sweatshirt, while it was still getting ready, and you ran about the streets and the fields for God knows what joy. There are some things in the world that are low and cheap. Not even waiting for the new day to properly come in and being already up and about, is one of them. You disgust me. Go. Leave now. And dont return until you're truly sorry. No. No ifs and no buts. Go stand in the corner!

Thing #4: Assuming that my general readership has an average IQ slightly more than a genetically enhanced lab-rat, I shall presume that you have discovered that #4 is the clear winner. And here it is. The top reason why you've had a great morning and a great start to the day is simply that no less than four people complimented your hair today! You want the juice?? Sure sure. It was 2 males, and 2 females. The entire barrage of complimenting and flattering and shameless flirting fell upon me within the space of two beautiful hours this beautiful, beautiful morning. Yes, I've grinned from ear to ear all day. Yes, I am that vain. Yes, I must be so pathetic to fall for all that nonsense. Just as you're seething with jealousy right now. Ha!
And a day can start no better. And you will agree. Correct?


Anju Christine said...

lesson # 265 on Mr Baffled's blog:
never ever ever ever ever bestow a compliment on the dude.

Confused & Baffled said...

or could! regularly! even without sufficient threshold awesomeness of said hair!