Monday, March 24, 2008

A Few Questions I Had In Mind

Why do you insist on making the most horrible mess of your food when you eat? Why does it have to be a volcanic formation of rice to begin with (the role of bubbling, molten lava henceforth to be played by dal)? Why does it end up scattered all over the place by the end of it all, like some absolutely huge, catastrophic eruption? Why are your hands covered in dal and bits of rice all the way to your elbows? Why must you make even the most gorgeous food ugly and terminally harmful to the sensitive eye?

Is it a strange sort of habit? That everything that must be beautiful and pretty and attractive and, if possible, smoking hot be turned into anything fat, repelling, and hideously ugly? Is that then the deal with your actresses in your Sandalwood movie industry? (thats what they call it, honestly)

You do realize I only ask because I'm finally frustrated and utterly at an utter loss to understand any sort of reasoning behind this? Why, why, why are they so big?? Why must they all be so indiscriminately fugly? Don't you know what fugly means? Is it some law somewhere that a leading lady can only become one if she possesses the qualities, the ruthlessness, the naturally suiting facial expression and the stomach capacity to eat away her entire competition?

Why are the guys so weird, so strange, so odd, so unfitting, so...Why are they now so ugly too? Why must they too be hideous? What is all this rigmarole? Some horribly messed up scheme to attract masses by showing them a creature clearly more abominable, but totally getting some over-the-top-cheek-pecking-running-around-dumbfuck-trees-while-fat-hippopotamuses-dance-around-him action? Is it really necessary, that big hairy moustache? Is it mandatory that the hero look worse than most villains' sidekicks? Is it compulsory for the hero to always only barely fit into his pseudo-70s line of apparel? Do you really just want me to feel even I could become a hero now? That so degenerate is my world? Or is it a compassionate measure on your gracious part to make me feel better about myself and my ilk?

Why is this damned film industry, called (and I re-iterate) Sandalwood, exactly 20 years behind Bollywood? Why is everyone draped in the fashion explosion brought about by the likes of an ageing Jeetendra, and a spirited-and-dashing-if-he-wasnt-carrying-that-tummy-around Govinda? Why do the girls wear frocks to college? Why do the guys don multicoloured lycra fit trousers? Why do the guys have great giant beards sometimes? Why do the girls have (traces of) great giant beards sometimes?

When I watch your television at railway platforms, only to get away from the unearthly noise the lady over the microphone is making I assure you, why does everything seem the same? How is it that everything is being sold/marketed/advertised in the exact same way? Be it an advertisement for a washing machine, or an invitation to a bumper sale carnival at a mall, why must everything have a huge song and dance with orchestra and dance-troupe complete?

And finally, why oh why oh why does your language have to be so outrageously alien?

I think you're conning us all, you people of South India. Hmm. Trying to get back for how the Aryans first made you run down south in shock and awe, cheated in the end as you realized the road was getting narrower and narrower and oh damn it thats what they meant by 'peninsula'?

Pretty sneaky that.

10 comments:

sporadicblogger said...

Dropped in to say hi. Hi! *Grin*

Not been reading blogs or actively blogging...been busy and lazy. Or lazy and busy, whichever way. *Grin*

As for the post, have you considered the fact that you are an alien, out of your cultural context in your current geographical mooring and that, p'raps, ye possess a mind thoroughly hegemonised by the North Indians and their copycat film industry??

APPRECIATE THEM SOUTHIES, BOY! (*Grin*)
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(I suspect I can anticipate your reaction to above comment...it might be along the lines of what my alien friend currently-out-of-her-cultural-context-in-nama-South India says when I insist on a policy of Southern appreciation...)

Confused & Baffled said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Confused & Baffled said...

so i shall give...

appreciation can only be given where due. if you insist on having bits of your lunch all over your arms, do not expect me to treat you like everyone else. i wont. there is such a thing as WHO standards.

sporadicblogger said...

Your arms are not necessarily dirtier than your palms (or spoons/forks etc that you might choose to eat with)

It's just a matter of what you are used to. You turn up your nose at this particular way of eating. The West turns up its nose at eating with hands. And there are those who turn up their noses at eating with forks et all...

It all comes a circle :)

smita said...

i admire your guts!!here we are in the heart of south,surrounded by them and you had the courage to question their weird,annoying ways!!
lol..

kyra said...

so now southies are weird and annoying.
okkay.

i think koyel's put it very aptly.

i completely recognize and accept your freedom of expression, but this post might be a little offensive?
just a little, mind you.

kyra said...

i can't speak for the other south indian films, but i can say that malayalam movies are far, far better than any bollywood.
at least in terms of the script and the acting- two things that hindi movies very actively ignore.
of course, to the superficial eye, these things don't really matter.

i understand the language is alien to you, but isn't your language alien to them? and they've been forced to adopt it as their national language too!

i don't mean to criticize. i've spent most of my life in cal. i've grown up watching hindi movies. i've more comfortable speaking hindi than my mother tongue.

i've spent my life in places where no one cared where you were from or what you spoke at home. if people found out, they'd just be curious about your language and food or whatever, and that's it. the first time i came across north-south issues personally was when i moved to bangalore. and it makes me sad more than angry.

you probably don't even mean most of the things you said, but if we really want to see a society that's free of stereotypes, we need to start somewhere.

Confused & Baffled said...

ladies, i bow before your superior knowledge and humbly accept the criticism being pointed at me.

i shall endeavour to understand, and, if unsuccessful, then to understand. different cultures are indeed different.

just please eat properly, i say.

Confused & Baffled said...

@kyra: on an aside, what brings you to these parts? glad to hear from you again.

kyra said...

my holiday's over.