Monday, May 07, 2007

How Bollywood Is Taking Over Hollywood

With great power, comes great responsibility.

So he smiles at cameras, jumps around to save bimbo models from buildings spliced by mad cranes on the run, then forgets about the crane itself and flies away to tumultuous applause from a crowd which has also promptly forgotten about the crane on the loose and the man a 100 floors above, sitting and trying to operate inside it.

But thats okay! Come now! Its Spidey! He's our hero! We give him the key to the city! We put him on electronic billboards! We have a goddamned parade in his honour, we have so little to do in life! In fact we love him so much, that when our wonderful colourful parade is interrupted by a sandmonster who flies around and steals bank money and whoops our hero's behind, we still put the parade and a Spidey-Bimbo kiss on headlines the next day!

The world is a happy place, full of lovely innocent people. No one is bad. We are all just wronged. Sandman loves his daughter and wants money to pay for her operation. Venom is just a poor opportunistic kid who wants revenge for his humiliation. Aww! Goblin Junior wants vengeance for his father's death. Spiderman gets an alter ego, even more gay than the first. So what is it that we get.

We get an action-drama. We get a saga of love and betrayal and loyalty and friendship and effeminate behaviour (from guys) and tears and cold cold voices spouting revenge and screams and shrieks and more tears and a last scene shamelessly ripped off from every hindi movie there ever has been. Friend saves former best friend's life, takes two-pointed spear through his own body, chitchats with friend's girlfriend while friend tearfully finishes off the bad guys, then slowly dies as friend + gf pour glycerine tears over his body.

Karan Johar secretly made this movie.
Its true, its true. It has to be. It all fits.

Dont dont dont go to see it. Not if you still love the concept of superhero. Not if you thought evil villains need to be atleast the two things - evil and villainous. Not if...Or wait. Go for it. There arent any comedies running anyway. And you can see Toby Maguire trying to dance and be an alpha-male. Joy! Oh joy! Go go.

14 comments:

sporadicblogger said...

lol, great review ;) Never did like spiderman. Give me phantom anyday. Actually, don't. Men only look good in skin tight clothes in toons.

Revealed said...

:). Yeah, heard pretty much the same thing and wisely steered clear. Pays to be old, huh?

Confused & Baffled said...

@koyel: yeah. wonder why they all have tight clothes...

but i'd rather have tight clothes than a superhero like ice cube.

@flaff: perhaps it does pay to be old. but thats just senior citizen benefits. ha! try that for a sad joke!

anju christine said...

karan johar eh? hee hee, sooooooo cute! ok, so i got company wen it comes to dislikin spiderman flicks..............

n tite clothes... hmmmmm.. i gues cos it helps t show off their curvy muscles..... however, in dis case, i dunno wher d muscles r really.......

sporadicblogger said...

Curvy muslcles are delectable ;)
It's a certain other appendage that does not show up too well when so attired, thats the problem :p

anju christine said...

curvy muscles r not delectable to evry1 sporadicblogger (eg-me).....n d other "appendage" attired in that distasteful manner is also desirable to some..... gawd!what is this world comin to....

sporadicblogger said...

lolol. You mean people actually pick the appendage so attired, over curvy muscles? 0_0

Confused & Baffled said...

erm...i like to think of this as a family blog. so lets tone it down a little, people. deep breaths now. deep breaths. cleanse the aura. its okay, its okay. you're fine. feeling better now?

sporadicblogger said...

*Giggle*

Dhruv said...

With Great Power comes Great Responsibility??

Come now! Last time I heard you use that expression, you said "With Great Power Comes Great Attitude" and even Jayshree could testify! I'm sure she also remembers how you blushed when I said "isn't it suppose to be "great responsibility?"

What happened to convince you of the otherwise?

And I swear, if you delete this comment, the consequences will be dire!

Anonymous said...

:D
sim

anju christine said...

*joins in with the giggling....reads dhruv's comment, returns to giggling with some more glee*

Jayashree Bhat said...

I testify, I testify!
I thought and thought but couldn't remember what it was that he'd said. Shit! You beat me to it, Dhruv.

Confused & Baffled said...

*raises his eyebrow, gives up on them and departs from the room, with cold dignity as they fall all over each other giggling like, like...like...gigglers*