You're an idiot!
No no! You are! You you you! You're a donkey!
You are a stupid. Ha ha ha!!
You...you...you are a monkey!
You racist! Oh my god! Can't believe you said that! Muummmyy!! Muuuhhhhuuuuummmmyyyyyy!!! Ricky!
[Fade to present]
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of Harbhajan Singh and Andrew Symonds.
Its international cricket. Its one of the most coveted test trophies. Australians, the founders of all sledging tactics, versus a physically puny Indian team. And Ponting is running to the match referee while Symonds is shedding tears on the sturdy shoulders of Steve Bucknor.
Because Harbhajan called him a 'monkey'. Thats all. No allegations towards his parental lineage. No reference to his bat and where he might like to shove it. No talk about what he would like to do to his wife after the day's play. No questions about which bomb attack tore his hair into that mess. Nothing like that at all. Nothing personal. Nothing professional. Nothing at bloody all. A monkey. Thats all.
And they cry foul. And they weep. And they seem to forget they're grown, mature men. Of high, and even quite humongous stature and awe-inspiring physical might. And it doesnt look good when they cry over what is no more than a needle-prick.
Now Harbhajan is banned. And India might altogether back out of the series. And the umpires were outrageously biased. And the BCCI is launching counter-allegations.
What the fuck? I want to laugh about it. But its getting so grave now. Everybody is getting so serious about it. Why doesnt someone knock Andrew Symonds on the head and ask him if he's really (and I mean like really really) never been called a monkey before in his life? Those schooldays, mate? Remember those school-days? Sure you do. You're being a baby now, aren't you?
Afterword: Connecting emotions vented here. Pliss do refer.